Soooooo, I had stepped on the scale at Marisa's before I left and I had gained 3 pounds which isn't bad since I had expected much much worse for being in a depression. So, I did a little better as far as at the very least making myself get out and go for walks, if not running. I also was in Plentywood at this point, so no access to a gym. My eating still wasn't right-it's like I'm on this never ending vacation so it's really difficult for me to get ahold of it-I get so frustrated and angry just writing about it. So, after about a week and a half later I weigh myself again and I lost those 3 lbs-hurray hurray. Then, I go to Minneapolis and the first night I am here I go to put on my going-out pants which I haven't worn since I got my new jeans, and holy smokes, are they tight!!!!!!!! I cannot tell you how awful that feeling is. For years, I've been wanting to lose weight only to start heading in the other direction. It's not like a wrong turn, but more like falling off a cliff. To make matters worse, I stepped on Carm's scale (which is digital so I like to use that as an excuse) and it told me I weighed 6 lbs more, then the Wii told me I was obese and am going to have huge health problems-"I KNOW YOU STUPID BI-" Anyways...
So, now it's all I can think of, which makes me more depressed, which just makes me want to cry and eat. I just-I'm at a loss right now, want to pull my hair out, and I feel like I have no stability which is making matters worse. I just-wish-I didn't have to think about this all the time.
Krissy, I believe in you. I think you are just enjoying your life right now. You are traveling, having fun with friends, indulging in yummy food, having drinks, not a member of a gym....all these things add up. I say enjoy the good things in life while your free from responsibility and out of routine. But don't make them negative, don't beat yourself up, food shouldn't be this dirty forbidden little thing. Each day is a new day and if you had a little too much fun (or a few too many cookies) the night before. Do something positive for your body the next day but don't feel guilty! Once you are settled, you can start focusing on YOU! You will be busy with work and on your feet all day. You will have the extra $ to join a gym, you will have that "purpose" again. If you mess up on day, accept it as it is..no excuses but no guilt and resentment either. Realize it at that moment and do something positive to counteract it. Something positive for YOU Krissy, because you know what?!? Gosh dang it, YOU deserve it! You are the sweetest, most caring, and compassionate friend that I have, even if you are slightly cracked (remember my egg you gave me for graduation) and I love ya! Travel safe tomorrow! You will do great, let them see the true you and they won't be able to resist you! :o) Go get 'em tiger! Raaawwrr
ReplyDelete*you're free
ReplyDeletemess up *one day