Cliff Diving

Soooooo, I had stepped on the scale at Marisa's before I left and I had gained 3 pounds which isn't bad since I had expected much much worse for being in a depression. So, I did a little better as far as at the very least making myself get out and go for walks, if not running. I also was in Plentywood at this point, so no access to a gym. My eating still wasn't right-it's like I'm on this never ending vacation so it's really difficult for me to get ahold of it-I get so frustrated and angry just writing about it. So, after about a week and a half later I weigh myself again and I lost those 3 lbs-hurray hurray. Then, I go to Minneapolis and the first night I am here I go to put on my going-out pants which I haven't worn since I got my new jeans, and holy smokes, are they tight!!!!!!!! I cannot tell you how awful that feeling is. For years, I've been wanting to lose weight only to start heading in the other direction. It's not like a wrong turn, but more like falling off a cliff. To make matters worse, I stepped on Carm's scale (which is digital so I like to use that as an excuse) and it told me I weighed 6 lbs more, then the Wii told me I was obese and am going to have huge health problems-"I KNOW YOU STUPID BI-" Anyways...

So, now it's all I can think of, which makes me more depressed, which just makes me want to cry and eat. I just-I'm at a loss right now, want to pull my hair out, and I feel like I have no stability which is making matters worse. I just-wish-I didn't have to think about this all the time.